Time Period

super long post… jump to end to see conclusion.

Time heals all wounds. Yes… true. Though it never gave you a timeline to when it will heal. It just happens. One day, you just wake up and maybe not even realize that time has healed your broken heart. It can be a week, a month and it can also take years. No one is pressuring you and no one is judging you and if they do – so what? It’s not their life. They can’t tell you how to live your life. Let them get over themselves and let them figure out what they want to do with their own lives.

So, here I am… I am going to share something unexpected. About five months ago, my ex-fiancé and I broke up. Surprisingly, I’ve handled the situation very lightly… It’s the kind of reaction you wouldn’t expect from a person who is truly in love and who is engaged. Not long after the break-up my friend set an online profile for me… Totally NOT me. I am not into those, but I tried it. NOT because I was desperate but because I wanted to forget. I guess it was how I coped with my loss. I met different kinds of people. All sorts. Although, two months ago I met this guy. Let’s name him ‘X’ the number of chances of he and I even going out and start dating was pretty negative. Though, I gave him a chance. Not because I wanted a relationship but because “hey why not,” we set up a weekend for our first date; the Monday that week was really shitty and I was in no mood to come home so I shoot him a text and asked him if he was up for hanging out for a little. Surprisingly, he said yes and mentioned that he also surprisingly got off work early. So, we met up. While I was waiting for him to arrive – I was blasting my music, smoking and I checked myself as I was checking myself I have realized couple things 1.) I look like crap 2.) I was beyond nervous. As I was thinking about those things he gave me a call and he said he’ll be arriving in 10 mins. I wasn’t really excited to meet him because 1st- it’ll not work 2nd – I’m just here because I didn’t wanted to go home 3rd – he’s probably just one of those guys…. As I was processing those thoughts in my head I saw a guy lurking on my windshield it took me about THREE seconds to realize it was ‘X’ that entire three seconds my heart was beating way faster than usual because another realization hit me 1.) damn, he’s hot 2.) I look like crap right now 3.) what am I supposed to do and say? 4.) He looks really hot and I might want him to stick around 5.) What if I end up liking him tonight and he doesn’t like me???? yes all those in just THREE SECONDS – I’m not going to put too much detail with what happened but let’s just say it was a good night. We actually got to know each other. HE WASN’T JUST THAT GUY. We both got home (in our own places)……… So right now – I am in a committed relationship with this guy. I actually really like him. I can brag about him all day – but whose got the time.

ANYWAY, my point is; yes – I think I jumped into this whole thing very quick it’s only been five months, but time healed me sooner than I expected. I have moved on and I am in love with the guy who values me.

You can’t stop a heart from falling in love. It has no timeline. If you love someone and you know it, you can love that person if you want. ‘X’ told me he is falling in love with me about a week of us going out and he was patient with me… I recently just told him I feel the same way and it took me two whole months. Timeline is just there to give one the space and time to get used to the new adjustments life is going to hand that person. If you think you are really ready, then take it. Baby steps if must. No one is rushing you. Take all the time you need. This is your life – you have the final say to it. Maybe you’ll need some opinion and some advice but you get to have the last call in what you want to do.

sorry – I know this post is a little longer than usual, but I’d appreciate it if you take the time to read. I’m back.

The Caved Dilemma

Things happen. It may or may not be the way we want them to but things happen and life goes on. Sometimes, we end up getting hurt. But we learn how to move on. Moving on is something that is hard to do. At least in my opinion. Why? Because moving on makes us realize things we don’t want to realize. But sometimes, it changes us. Sometimes, it changes the person who you thought you were. These changes are good. As much as it sucks. In the long run – it’s always for the better and it’s always going to be good.

Moving on hurts. We can remove the person that hurts us, NOT the memories that you HAD with that person. Maybe sooooooooon, we may forget. But not erase the memories. Things happened and they turn into memories.

Losing/Ending a relationship can change a person. At least to me it does. Just because I’ve seen myself changed so much in such a short period of time. I have moved on, lived my life, went out on dates with no attachments, and even tried breaking someone’s heart (not too proud). I was happy. I ended up liking people more that I should have but controlled myself when it comes to it. Learned how to slow things down, learn how to control my emotions, learned how to not care too much, learn how to value my own happiness before someone else’s… learned SO MUCH.

I am proud that I learned how to stop my emotions when I get close to someone, I am proud that I learned how to slow things down, I am proud that I learned how to control my emotions. But After all these things, it still kind of sucks. Why? Because when I told myself that I am ready to try this whole “relationship” thing again. I am in the process of going bananas just because I am sort of pushing that person away. Don’t get me wrong. I like him… A LOOOOOOOOOOOT! But the wall I built from all the moving on was way too high and I am more than terrified to do this whole thing again. Maybe I am not ready, maybe I am, but how do I really know?

My decisions are way too clouded and I am very confused. I am stuck in a dilemma. I am stuck between “maybe” and a lot of “what if’s”

Here’s the thing, moving on is all good in the end. It makes you realize things. But the only thing I can personally say about moving on is that – don’t build that wall way too high. Just because when you are ready, it is very hard to break that wall. It is hard to finally give yourself to someone again because you will end up overthinking things. I am all about moving on and doing all you. But don’t build that wall too high because you are gonna end up pushing away the person that actually cares about you and you will never realize that because that wall is too high that it made you not trust ANYBODY at all.

I guess my point is that – we all go through heartbreaks. Heartbreak and being hurt is inevitable. One heartbreak can hurt real bad, but this doesn’t give you the right to shut everybody out. Maybe you will need a lot of time to heal the pain, but shutting people off will make it hard for you to ever trust people. It will make it hard for you to see if that person actually cares about you. Take all the time you need to heal. Don’t rush into anything.

 

*I’m back by the way guys.. more posts soon. 🙂

 

 

 

 

A Little too Afraid

Love isn’t as easy as it may seem. But people risk the consequences because the feeling of being happy is worth living that moment. Sometimes, loving the wrong person can change ones perspective when it comes to being in love. There’s ALWAYS that one person that affects you in a different way. That’s why it is not wrong to be afraid. In fact, being afraid is normal. We can’t possibly blame ourselves for being too afraid to fall for someone.

It’s not wrong to fall for the wrong person. One can learn a lot from loving the wrong person. Yes, it hurts to know that it’s possible for someone to fall for the wrong person. It’s terrifying to know if that person you are crazy about is the wrong person to fall for. But one will never know until one gives it a shot. It’s not easy to give the wrong person not only your trust, but your life, time and heart. We’ve got a lot to lose from loving the wrong person, but we also got a lot to gain from it. It may hurt so much and it may take a million years to move on, but once it’s over with- we realize the things we gained from falling for the wrong person. A lot of people don’t want to risk going through the pain because one prefer to play on the safe side. There is so much to lose, so much pain, and so many wasted time. But we are all afraid, we DON’T want to fall for the wrong person, we don’t want to go through all the pain of being left alone, we don’t want to shred all the tears to keep us asleep at night, we don’t want to be haunted with all the memories- but I can assure you that all these are worth it. It sounds very terrible but when you allow yourself to accept everything, you’ll learn how to be strong, you’ll learn how to protect yourself from getting hurt.

I don’t mean shut everyone out your life. All I mean to say is give people the benefit of the doubt to prove themselves their worth to you. Trust me, it’s terrifying to start all over again. But to me, it’s so much better to start over again than to be with the wrong person. It’s so much better to start over with someone else than to hold on to something that doesn’t feel right because the longer you hold onto something that isn’t right, the more time you waste.

The search for love is one of the most difficult process in life. But just like any obstacles, we have to allow ourselves to fail and learn from that experience instead of wasting our time looking back- regretting. Instead of calling it a mistake, learn from it and try to move on, because I am 100% sure that it’s all worth it.

Looking for Perfection

To me, all the words written on a dictionary will never be enough to describe how much one love a person. What irritates me is when people say; “Why do you love him/her?” Like if you ask me, love is something undefined. You can’t just look for it the meaning of how you feel about someone. Yes, love can be defined in a dictionary. But the feeling of love; to me, can never be defined nor nearly impossible to describe. It’s like describing a color to a blind person.

Although, sometimes it takes time for us to figure out who “the one” is. Most of the time, we gotta go through some heart breaks, sometimes we gotta fight for the wrong person, love the wrong person, be crazy about the wrong person before we find that one person that is really worth it. Knowing that person is the one could be difficult. But sometimes, we gotta accept the fact that we can be in love more than once in our lifetime till we find the one.

It may not be easy to determine that person, but we gotta give some time and give that person a chance to prove their worth.

Being in love, loving that person and loving the idea of that person is three different things. And feeling all three to one person is honestly the best feeling a person could ever feel. One doesn’t have to keep saying “I love you” to actually love someone. One can tell someone a very simple word or phrase that shows love to that person.

Someone once reminded me “babe, just because I don’t say it back doesn’t mean I don’t love you” an entire sentence changed my entire perspective when it comes to being in love and loving that person. Why? Because, after that sentence, I start noticing every little things he’s been doing FOR me, all the little things that shows how much he loves me. I don’t need him to say it because he acts upon it. “Actions speaks louder than words” they say.

It might take quite some time to find THE ONE, but once you do, I know it’ll be worth every second of the day. No need to rush.

A little too perfect

Sometimes, when one is in a relationship where one has gone through hell and back, it’s almost hard to believe the perfect moments both shared. Some are afraid to jump into conclusions because once things fall apart it’s where it hurts the most. We can try to ignore how much it hurts, but the more we ignore it the more it’ll hurt and the more it’ll “eat us”.

But LOVE… I am a sucker for happy ever after. I ignore what hurts and indulge the things that makes me happy. Being in love with the person I am in love right now is the most amazing thing ever. He does so much for me, he supports me in everything I do and to me, that’s what makes him perfect. He doesn’t know that every little things he does is getting him closer to perfection. Through hell and back, I am in love with him no matter what. I don’t care how big OR small the argument is, there is no way I am giving up on him. As long as BOTH of us are happy, I know for sure that the both of us can make it through.

I never said that being in a relationship is easy. If you ask me, yes it can be easy but yes it could be harder. But one has to realize that it “takes two to tango” which means, it takes two people to make something work. Although, one has to realize when is the right time to stop and take a break or move on. Because the more you push, the more it’ll hurt.