The Caved Dilemma

Things happen. It may or may not be the way we want them to but things happen and life goes on. Sometimes, we end up getting hurt. But we learn how to move on. Moving on is something that is hard to do. At least in my opinion. Why? Because moving on makes us realize things we don’t want to realize. But sometimes, it changes us. Sometimes, it changes the person who you thought you were. These changes are good. As much as it sucks. In the long run – it’s always for the better and it’s always going to be good.

Moving on hurts. We can remove the person that hurts us, NOT the memories that you HAD with that person. Maybe sooooooooon, we may forget. But not erase the memories. Things happened and they turn into memories.

Losing/Ending a relationship can change a person. At least to me it does. Just because I’ve seen myself changed so much in such a short period of time. I have moved on, lived my life, went out on dates with no attachments, and even tried breaking someone’s heart (not too proud). I was happy. I ended up liking people more that I should have but controlled myself when it comes to it. Learned how to slow things down, learn how to control my emotions, learned how to not care too much, learn how to value my own happiness before someone else’s… learned SO MUCH.

I am proud that I learned how to stop my emotions when I get close to someone, I am proud that I learned how to slow things down, I am proud that I learned how to control my emotions. But After all these things, it still kind of sucks. Why? Because when I told myself that I am ready to try this whole “relationship” thing again. I am in the process of going bananas just because I am sort of pushing that person away. Don’t get me wrong. I like him… A LOOOOOOOOOOOT! But the wall I built from all the moving on was way too high and I am more than terrified to do this whole thing again. Maybe I am not ready, maybe I am, but how do I really know?

My decisions are way too clouded and I am very confused. I am stuck in a dilemma. I am stuck between “maybe” and a lot of “what if’s”

Here’s the thing, moving on is all good in the end. It makes you realize things. But the only thing I can personally say about moving on is that – don’t build that wall way too high. Just because when you are ready, it is very hard to break that wall. It is hard to finally give yourself to someone again because you will end up overthinking things. I am all about moving on and doing all you. But don’t build that wall too high because you are gonna end up pushing away the person that actually cares about you and you will never realize that because that wall is too high that it made you not trust ANYBODY at all.

I guess my point is that – we all go through heartbreaks. Heartbreak and being hurt is inevitable. One heartbreak can hurt real bad, but this doesn’t give you the right to shut everybody out. Maybe you will need a lot of time to heal the pain, but shutting people off will make it hard for you to ever trust people. It will make it hard for you to see if that person actually cares about you. Take all the time you need to heal. Don’t rush into anything.

 

*I’m back by the way guys.. more posts soon. 🙂