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Wish I could tell myself to stop feeling the way I am feeling right now. But I can’t. The minute I try my feelings increase. It’s unfair because to him it’s easy. When he tries he succeeds. Why can’t that happen to me? Is it because I have given my all and not left anything for myself? At times, I feel happy but there are times where I feel crushed and destroyed and no one else can fix me but him. I want to try fixing myself and putting myself back together but I can’t. It seems like it’s the hardest thing to do.
When things seems like they are getting back on track; realization slaps me in the face and make me realize how much of an idiot I look like. It’s like I’m not allowed to be happy at all. I don’t know what else to do, I don’t know if I should just give up on the only thing I want so bad. I’m not much of an idiot to realize that he doesn’t really want me as much as I want him. He doesn’t say it but I know it. Or maybe I’m just over thinking things like always. But I think if someone else is in my shoes they’d do the same.
To me, things are always complicated. I don’t know when to be happy and when to be sad. I don’t know when to feel vulnerable and needy and I don’t know when to feel satisfied with everything that is going on. Because right now my life has gotten to the point where it seems like someone picked me up and shook me so hard that things are just mixed up and it’ll take so much time to bring it back to how it used to be.
Sunkissedromance ♥ 